A dreaded houseguest is coming to stay for two weeks. What was I thinking? | Ask Rebecca

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Ask Rebecca is smart, honest advice to readers’ questions about life, family and relationships by columnist Rebecca Eckler. Got a question for Rebecca? Submit it anonymously on the form here. You can also send an email to NPadvice@postmedia.com.

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Dear Rebecca:

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Please help! An old school friend is coming to stay for two weeks. Last time I saw her, she never stopped talking. There was even one occasion when I wanted to say something and I actually had to ask her to be quiet for a moment. She is a widow and lives alone, but judging by her extensive emails, she has lots of friends and leads a very busy life.

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I don’t want to be rude to her, but my husband and I aren’t that talkative and are quite happy with prolonged silences. He can just leave the room, but I can’t do that! How do I get my message across without seeming rude? — Hostess Regret

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Dear Hostess Regret:

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I have rarely been more on a letter writer’s side while simultaneously believing she may be partially responsible for her own predicament.

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I’m so protective of my alone time that I read “two-week houseguest” and immediately started looking for an Airbnb for you. And I read your letter twice because I was convinced I’d missed the part where this old-school friend invited herself.

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She didn’t.

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So, while I have enormous sympathy for you, the inconvenient fact is that you invited a known talker to live in your house for two weeks.

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I love people. I’ve been known to extract an entire divorce history from an Uber driver before we’ve made it through three traffic lights. I can be charming, curious and extremely social — right up until the precise moment I absolutely cannot.

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Almost every day there comes a point when I’m simply done receiving information and need silence. Everyone in my house knows when I’ve reached maximum human input. I put one hand up like I’m stopping traffic. My husband and kids know immediately what it means: STFU. Do not tell me what happened at school. Do not ask what’s for dinner. If the house is on fire, fine, you may speak.

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So, I get you. What I don’t get is how you got yourself into this situation. Two weeks! A houseguest doesn’t just materialize on the doorstep carrying a suitcase with enough underwear for 14 days. Somewhere in this story, you said yes.

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How could you — someone who considers “comfortable silence” one of marriage’s greatest achievements — let this happen? Were you distracted? Drinking? Had she been talking for so long that you agreed to two weeks simply because it was the only way to get off the phone?

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This is less a houseguest problem than a boundary origin story.

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Whatever happened, you’ve made your bed, and now you have to lie in it. Unless, dear G-d, you’re planning to give her your bed too.

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Agreeing to house another adult for 14 days while already dreading it suggests speaking up for your boundaries may not be your strongest skill. If you couldn’t say, “two weeks is too long,” I’m guessing, “I need some me time” isn’t exactly going to roll off your tongue either.